I may not have been hard-core bullied as many misfits like me were, and as it went I was one of the lucky ones. My shyness, social awkwardness and klutziness were the main targets. (My school even put me in counseling for it. As if I wasn't already misfit enough.) I was the shy, bookworm girl that sat alone and had few friends. All through school I got along better with my teachers than I did with my classmates. I wore ill-fitting clothes because I wasn't confident in body image. For the majority of my school years I struggled to fit in, I wore clothes that fit with the trends, I let others convince me who I should and shouldn't be friends with and I became friends with thosef who showed interest, thus never keeping any long since most of them dumped me or tried to force me to fit to them. Despite of all of that I still did not fit in (no surprise.) It hurt because I wanted to belong somewhere, I found some measure of acceptance in classes such as Art and Creative Writing. But truth was I never fit with those of my own age, not in my K-4 class or my 4-12 class either. Always the odd one out teams and partners never or rarely chose me willingly, I was treated by some as fragile and breakable, I was picked on in that poking way, little things here and there but enough so that I rarely trusted anyone because I didn't know if I was being ridiculed or if they meant the things they said. I was treated like a small child by classmates years my junior, which I hated. When I was not being poked at or occasionally bullied I went unnoticed entirely. It was not until my last few high school years that I gave up any and all attempts to fit in with any of them, said "Screw it!" and stopped listening to people tell me who I should and should not be friends with and instead was friends or not with whomever I wanted, letting my true attitude shine through, instead of accepting ridicule I fought back, snapping back. The whole thing turned into a gradual shift that taught me much more than any "this is how you should be and if you aren't something is wrong with you" counseling that never fricking accomplished what it was "supposed" to do anyway. I think deep down I fought all of it. Those things were: Don't let anyone tell you who you are and who your friends are, it does not lead to happiness and if you don't fit the mold it is perfectly OK to find one you do fit or make one that does. Just be who you are and if people don't like it, who f***ing cares? Second, I learned how to start talking to people, I just had to do it my own way and stop fearing. I the end I let go of being afraid of what people thought of me and trying overly hard to make someone, anyone really, like me. It wasn't until I reached college that I found fellow misfits like myself who became my friends and helped me further find who I am and who I could be. ( My friends Emily and Jen, helped me in this much more than they might realize in this.)
Today I am still a shy, awkward, klutzy, uncoordinated misfit, but now I refuse to conform desperately and instead fight back against those who try and make me something I am not.